Friday, June 22, 2012
I am a clearing, cleaning, whirlwind of clutter destruction. It is all coming down and out. Yesterday I tackled my daughter's room and today it will be the boy's. Gone baby gone, every outgrown toy, book, shirt and sock.
It needed to be done.
When I had finished with her room, I was a tiny bit worried that she would be shocked. The room looked sparse, bare in comparison to only hours before. I took everything off the walls (she wants to change the paint color) and Space Bagged all the stuffed animals except for BooBoo. The Barbie's are packed and waiting to go to Goodwill and all her princess dress up clothes are boxed and waiting to travel to a younger cousin who will actually play in them. Her room looks like we are either just moving in or getting ready to move out and so, I wondered if there might be some emotional reaction. Some tears, some changing of the 9 year old mind. Some, "No, I'm not ready." or "My animals can't breathe in those air tight bags!!"
But she only smiled and then ran across the street to get her friend so she could see too.
Her room is like a blank slate, ready to start over with her bigger girl ideas.
It got me thinking (because when I'm cleaning is when I do some of my best thinking) about letting go. About moving on and making space for new things. It can be hard, it can be work, it might even be sad--but it's important. Unless we want to be forever stuck, buried under the clutter and dust of outgrown things, outgrown ideas, we have to have to learn to let go and move on.
I have to learn to let go.
I started writing something completely new and sent the first two chapters to my agent who was very encouraging about continuing with it.
It feels good, amazing even, to be writing again. But I'll be honest, I'm not yet over my old MS. I miss him and all the promises for the future together we had planned. If my old MS called with an offer to get together, a writer's booty call, I'd go running back to him with a slick black pencil in hand.
Maybe I just need some more time.
Is there something you're hanging on to? If you cleared some mental space, would a room open up for something even better?